Listen with your heart!

 

People in general have the longing to be heard. They want people to listen to what they have to say. Some of us have great friends who do so, unfortunately, they are a rare breed. In a conversation some interrupt it by speaking loudly and silence the person with hypocritical understanding. But the core of the matter is that these unruly interruptions are a display of their power and control over the other person. The other reasons could be preoccupations, contemplating a suitable response or a serious case of attention deficit disorder.

There are those who avoid talking just to avoid listening. Kate Murphy in her book “You Are Not Listening” states, “while people often say "I can't talk right now" what they really mean is "I can't listen right now." For many, it seems they never get around to it, despite what we all want most in life—to understand & be understood—only happens when we slow down & take the time to listen.”. Therefore, the underlying motive is whether the person wants to listen with intentionality or not is apparently the state of one’s heart.

Everything begins and ends with the heart. The proverbs of Solomon in the Bible states, “Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life.”. The heart can stay protected and exist with sanity when it becomes the temple of the living God.  Jesus was inviting the people who are thirsty and longing to come to Him and drink the living water. And then He made this remarkable claim, “the one who believes in me, as the scripture has said, will have streams of living water flow from deep within him.”.   Once your heart has invited this Saviour it maintains sanity, tranquility, and humility. You tend to care, to listen and love people.

Ryan Holiday in his book “Ego Is The Enemy” states, “Humility engenders learning because it beats back the arrogance that puts blinders on. It leaves you open for truths to reveal themselves... Do you know how you can tell when someone is truly humble? There's one simple test, they consistently observe and listen.”. The humble heart does not deviate from the subject to avoid the matter. The humble ones are caring. To understand this concept better let’s analyse some hypothetical examples below which display two different responses. The first one is called “shift response” and the second one is called a "support response.".

John: My dog got out last week, and it took three days to find him.

Mary: Our dog is always digging under the fence, so we can't let him out unless he's on a leash. (shift response)

John: My dog got out last week, and it took three days to find him.

Mary: Oh no. Where did you finally find him? (support response)

Sue: I watched this really good documentary about turtles last night.

Bob: I'm not big on documentaries. I'm more of an action-film kind of guy. (shift response)

Sue: I watched this really good documentary about turtles last night.

Bob: Turtles? How did you happen to see that? Are you into turtles? (support response)

Good listeners are all about the support response. Support responses are more often other-directed questions. But they have to be truly curious questions meant to elicit more information and not subtly impose your own opinion. Shift responses are symptomatic of conversational narcissism, which quashes any chance of connection. They are usually self-referential statements. Do you recognize the category you fall into?

Referring to Christ Jesus in the Bible it talks about His listening character, “We know that God does not listen to sinners. He listens to the godly person who does his will." And elsewhere it is written, "For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer...". In all the rejection and power play in this world you can still find a Saviour willing to listen when you call upon Him. May you submit your life and believe in Him to be transformed forever.

 

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Who are you in reality?

 

Are the following questions familiar to you? Why is my son/daughter’s behaviour weird at times? Why is it they don’t understand my difficulties? Do they need reminder of my care for them in difficult times? Why is my spouse’s behaviour so unpredictable? At times it is difficult to approach my spouse when in his/her bad mood. Why is the one with whom I relate with is so religious yet so unloving and arrogant? Why does one maintain a dual personality? Many Christian parents complain that their children’s behaviour is at its best to the outside world but uncaring and rude at home. This is somewhat similar with leaders of social/charitable/religious organizations where their selfless efforts are praised by the public, but they are ruthless and oppressive to their workers. It raises so many questions about the “good”.

The above are some among the many concerns that people pose to me when they need counselling. They are surprised at the same time confused that the person’s devotion and religiosity have no implication to one’s behaviour. These are people who are in our inner circle of influence who turn out to be sociopaths or psychopaths as described in psychiatric terms.

Solomon the wisest king wrote this book Proverbs which is the book in the Bible, where he poses this question, “Many a men will proclaim everyone his own goodness: But a faithful man who can find?”. Medically we do not have medicines to cure personality disorders. It can be done only through counselling, also, only if the individual accepts they are wrong and they need help to change their behaviour. To understand the two personality disorders - sociopaths and psychopaths – let’s do some analysis to understand them better. They are as follows:

Sociopaths have a limited, although weak, ability to feel empathy and remorse. They're also more likely to fly off the handle and react violently when confronted by the consequences of their actions.            

· Make it clear they do not care how others feels.

·Behave in hot-headed and impulsive ways.

· Prone to fits of anger and rage.

· Recognize what they are doing but rationalize their behaviour.

·Cannot maintain a regular work and family life.

·Can form emotional attachments, but it is difficult.

Psychopaths are classified as people with little or no conscience but are able to follow social conventions when it suits their needs. 

· Pretend to care.

· Display cold-hearted behaviour.

·Fail to recognize other people's distress.

· Have relationships that are shallow and fake.

· Maintain a normal life as a cover for criminal activity.

·Fail to form genuine emotional attachments.

· May love people in their own way.

If you identify with either of these traits, you are in the danger zone. Before it is too late it’s time to seek help rather than losing your soul in the process. Everything points out to the state of the human heart. It is extremely wicked, and it needs a Saviour. People can be religious and yet unrepentant.

The Bible talks about how we can be evil despite of being religious. The Bible states, “But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come:  For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!” Have you noticed the last line which says, ‘having a form of godliness’? Sadly, people misuse everything including religion for their survival. People change their masks based on the need to be recognised. But living with true sanity depends upon your willingness to accept the Saviour who is willing to forgive you from all your failures, shortcomings and evil nature and transform you completely.

 

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What God defined, man redefines!

 

We humans are in the process of constantly redefining things. We redefine those that are directly or indirectly connected to the moral laws which is channelized by the moral giver, God.  Even the acts of the constitution and judiciary have a deep connection with the moral framework addressing justice, punitive measures, sense of right and wrong, good and bad, virtue and vices which are impacted by ethos, pathos and by religion to a larger extent.

Countries and nations are also in the process of redefining areas that impact the mundane and the significant areas of human life. Today, things like human sanity, solidarity, brotherhood are conditional on the areas of interest promoted by leaders, religious institutions, law makers and government.  Whenever we witness moral laws being tampered with, fanatics and heretics use religion to their personal benefit and gratify their selfish motives. The result is war, disharmony, slavery, human trafficking, abduction, and loss of lives,

But why is it that someone finds it right to cause harm and obliterate one group of people or take innocent lives? If you get to the root of the issue, it is usually connected with their view of God and belief system that their personal god /gods are appeased with such heinous acts. Enforced religious views are connected with religious buildings and places. Terrorists and fanatics are constantly in war killing people, innocent children and women because they assume they are saving the rights of their personal god. The ideology and peoples understanding of god is so awkward and skewed that we get to see one group of people or country celebrating the agony faced by the country they attacked. The recent Israel attack is one example. Innocent lives on both sides are paying the price for which they are not responsible. 

If one has to find out what has god defined that man is trying to redefine it, then in that case, a true understanding of God matters. And there starts the confusion because every religion defines God differently.  Even the moral laws in some of the religious scriptures are vengeful and demands humiliation of its enemies.

The understanding of gods has become a private matter today. People can have the choice of having a god for themselves. Stories of gods displaying bravery, dramas, characters of tension, act of valor, religious rules and laws, a figure different than human beings are all part of human attraction. People want to buy in to the concept of god who is bigger than themselves, it can be of any form, even a mythological creature. Logical inconsistency, lack of empirical evidence and contradictions in the writings still find its approval and are accommodated.

If one has an openness to read the scripture of different religion and then get to read the Bible, he/she would find, it is not just a matter of love and showing the other cheeks to the one who struck him but it’s an extraordinary lifestyle of Jesus recorded in the four prominent gospels writer in different time periods. It is absolutely cohesive with nil contradictions. His life defined a way, the purpose to life and the hope to life after death. Jesus demonstrated His love by healing people from all sickness, raising the dead and He rose again after death. He promised to prepare a place for us called heaven. This hope is true because He is not dead, nor His name effaced but He is a victorious savior. He defined the evil of the human heart, made provision for the sin problem asked people to repent from their sins, receive His forgiveness and put their faith in Him to experience abundant life. Where is religion here? It is all about relationship and loving God and loving one another as himself. The life of this extraordinary person has defined it already. Instead of redefining, it is worth attempting to know Him and accepting Him as a personal savior which will ultimately transform the course of one’s life. Your life will be redefined4good forever.

 

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Belief and Reality Gap!

  

The song “I Believe I Can Fly” was written, produced, and performed by American singer R. Kelly. It was originally released on November 26, 1996. The song was part of the soundtrack for the 1996 film Space Jam and was later included on Kelly’s 1998 album. In early 1997, it reached number two on the Billboard Hot 100 chart and remained at the number-one spot of the Billboard R&B Singles Chart for six non-consecutive weeks. He has released twelve studio albums and won three Grammy Awards. However, in 2022 he was found guilty and sentenced to 30 years in prison for using his celebrity status to sexually abuse children and women. The lyrics of his famous song:

I used to think that I could not go on

And life was nothing but an awful song

But now I know the meaning of true love

I'm leaning on the everlasting arms

If I can see it, then I can do it

If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

 

I believe I can fly

I believe I can touch the sky

I think about it every night and day

Spread my wings and fly away

I believe I can soar

I see me running through that open door

I believe I can fly

I believe I can fly

I believe I can fly

The expression found in the words of the song tell us that he was ambitious and wanted to quickly climb the ladder of success. Also, he declares in the song that he found the true meaning of love. But his aspiration and belief contradicted reality. I am sure anyone who looks up to someone who is famous, rich, and popular with a large fan following are seen as successful and powerful in the today’s world. If you notice, the lyric of the song, it expresses a life philosophy. Unfortunately, it couldn't hold him up for long. It did not have the power to restrain him from violating and abusing the powerless and vulnerable women to gratify his own selfish desires. There was a gap in what he believed and what happened.

What you believe depends on whom you believe. And that depends upon having an in-depth understanding of a true God who has created you and given you the opportunity to exist in this life. Being successful is not always a compass to find your purpose in life. True meaning of life is knowing the purpose of your existence, understanding the roadmap of your journey, and finding where you are going to be after your death? If these questions are overlooked then what you are left with is finding your own answer and philosophy to life, achieving success in your terms and using the freedom to do what you want to and gratify your desires.

True meaning and purpose are found in Christ Jesus alone. He has promised to give us abundant life which is fulfilling and promising for eternal life. This has the power to keep us from violating the freedom we receive. All other desires are sensual and intends to fulfil the desires of our carnal flesh. The Bible states, "Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking ... This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic.  For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there." Jesus transforms one’s life and there is hope in Him. You have the power to live a holy, godly, and meaningful life who will be seen as blessing by people around you. 

Reference: HERE

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What is your source of comfort?

 

People cling to someone or something in times of sorrow and joy. I am sure this sentence, can trigger you to remember your source of comfort. This source is embedded in the mind right from childhood. For a child a doll, teddy bear, or car and any play items for that matter can be comforting and relaxing. The source of comfort changes as the child grows to an adult. It may be a thing or person (living or even dead), or it may be some belief system which could be an imagination yet becomes promising and comforting for the individual. I remember some of my friends in school days having peacock feathers in their notebook and it was a source of comfort for them, some having pictures of deity and small idol trinkets. During exams they try to look at it and kiss it at least once for good luck. Christians kissed the cross they wore as a pendant, to face the exams.

Human heart sometimes can be misleading, diverting our attention from the real to the counterfeit. I happened to talk to people living close to the railway tracks in the crowded city of Mumbai in India. They tell me that they cannot sleep in a place of silence. The sound of the passing train becomes the source of comfort. For some the light can be comforting and soothing while sleeping, though for many, it can be annoying. So, our mind tricks us to believe that what we hold on to or cling to irrespective of whether it can make sense or not happens to be the comforter. Well, you may critic saying what is wrong as long as the person stays comfortable hoping on something for comfort and companionship.

Companionship can be a thing, virtual, or even an imagery. But the problem in all of these is that it can fade so quickly leaving a person to wander and wanting for something better than what he /she had. It can be even ridiculous in some cases, yet people can make it as their personal god. "When a man stops believing in God," said GK Chesterton, "he doesn't then believe in nothing, he believes anything."

The problem of human heart and mind is that it is tuned to believe and have faith on something which may not be real. Anything dramatic or different than a human being tends to take the place of god. Who cares if it is a fantasy or mythology. Let us not forget, that true peace and security can only emerge from a clean conscience because of knowing the true God and encountering a life changing experience. The problem of sin makes the human heart more complicated and misleading to believe in everything. Instead of addressing the sin problem we substitute with materials, images, and rituals hoping to give us peace and comfort.

Faith in Jesus is transforming, conforming, and enlightening to human heart and soul. He is not the god of money, material, wealth and prosperity as we generally wish from god. As I always say most of the things we can always manage without god. What we cannot manage is true forgiveness and a clean conscience. For that we need to ask forgiveness for our sins and decide to live a holy life. And then even in loneliness the heart maintains the rhythm of peace, tranquility, and trust. I give here a comforting and promising claim from Jesus, “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”.

 

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