People
in general have the longing to be heard. They want people to listen to what
they have to say. Some of us have great friends who do so, unfortunately, they
are a rare breed. In a conversation some interrupt it by speaking loudly and
silence the person with hypocritical understanding. But the core of the matter
is that these unruly interruptions are a display of their power and control
over the other person. The other reasons could be preoccupations, contemplating
a suitable response or a serious case of attention deficit disorder.
There are those who avoid talking just to avoid listening. Kate Murphy in her book “You Are Not Listening” states, “while people often say "I can't talk right now" what they really mean is "I can't listen right now." For many, it seems they never get around to it, despite what we all want most in life—to understand & be understood—only happens when we slow down & take the time to listen.”. Therefore, the underlying motive is whether the person wants to listen with intentionality or not is apparently the state of one’s heart.
Everything begins and ends with the heart. The proverbs of Solomon in the Bible states, “Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life.”. The heart can stay protected and exist with sanity when it becomes the temple of the living God. Jesus was inviting the people who are thirsty and longing to come to Him and drink the living water. And then He made this remarkable claim, “the one who believes in me, as the scripture has said, will have streams of living water flow from deep within him.”. Once your heart has invited this Saviour it maintains sanity, tranquility, and humility. You tend to care, to listen and love people.
Ryan Holiday in his book “Ego Is The Enemy” states, “Humility engenders learning because it beats back the arrogance that puts blinders on. It leaves you open for truths to reveal themselves... Do you know how you can tell when someone is truly humble? There's one simple test, they consistently observe and listen.”. The humble heart does not deviate from the subject to avoid the matter. The humble ones are caring. To understand this concept better let’s analyse some hypothetical examples below which display two different responses. The first one is called “shift response” and the second one is called a "support response.".
John: My dog got out last week, and it took three days to find him.
Mary: Our dog is always digging under the fence, so we can't let him out unless he's on a leash. (shift response)
John: My dog got out last week, and it took three days to find him.
Mary: Oh no. Where did you finally find him? (support response)
Sue: I watched this really good documentary about turtles last night.
Bob: I'm not big on documentaries. I'm more of an action-film kind of guy. (shift response)
Sue: I watched this really good documentary about turtles last night.
Bob:
Turtles? How did you happen to see that? Are you into turtles? (support
response)
Good listeners are all about the support response. Support responses are more often other-directed questions. But they have to be truly curious questions meant to elicit more information and not subtly impose your own opinion. Shift responses are symptomatic of conversational narcissism, which quashes any chance of connection. They are usually self-referential statements. Do you recognize the category you fall into?
Referring to Christ Jesus in the Bible it talks about His listening character, “We know that God does not listen to sinners. He listens to the godly person who does his will." And elsewhere it is written, "For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer...". In all the rejection and power play in this world you can still find a Saviour willing to listen when you call upon Him. May you submit your life and believe in Him to be transformed forever.
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