People’s perception of relationships is that its transactional. The opposite of that is relational. It is in the relational that true intimacy can exist, where you enjoy the company of the other person with little or no expectations. Kirill Koles in his article states, “there’s always an exchange happening. And the first rule of the transaction? You don’t talk about the transaction. Not directly, anyway. Even if everyone knows what’s happening, we all play along like it’s about something deeper, something nobler. And that’s how the dysfunction sets in.”.
Each relationship operates on exchange. You give time, you get companionship. You lend an ear, you feel good about being there for someone. This is how human nature thrives. But when does it actually become contractual? It’s not the give and take that’s the problem—it’s the cold calculation that sucks the soul out of it. We are all guilty of it. Who hasn’t weighed the pros and cons of a relationship, even subconsciously? But here’s where it gets murky: not every connection fits the “You scratch my back, I scratch yours” mold. Take, for example, unconditional love. A parent doesn’t keep a tally of every diaper changed or sleepless night endured. A best friend doesn’t charge for midnight calls when your world’s falling apart. These are the relationships that transcend the transactional muck, rooted in a pure desire to give, without expecting anything in return.
So why is unconditional love harder these days in relationships? Maybe it’s the cultural shift. We’re living in the age of individualism, where success is measured in personal achievements and material gain. Relationships? They’re just another checkbox on the life plan. But a deeper probe into the soul will reveal that our relationship with God is transactional, which is overflowing into our human relationships. We try to please God with our rituals to receive personal benefits from Him and we try out this same principle with human relationships.
Jesus showed what unconditional love really looks like. He emphasized on relationship than rituals and spiritual duties. Jesus’ greatest commandment was “Love your Lord God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength and then to love one another as yourself.”. He demonstrated the importance of relationship and unconditional love by loving us when we were in our wretched state of sin. The Bible says he died for us while we are yet sinners. His death and resurrection saved us from the wretchedness of sin. As sin rules our relationships at times, Savior’s teaching on unconditional love is relevant for ages to come, irrelevant of how the world changes.
Some of his teachings are “But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take away your tunic, let him have your cloak also. And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks you, and from him who wants to borrow from you do not turn away. “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.”. Do you see any of these transactional? When you are overwhelmed with Christ’s love, you become noble in your act of love. When you start knowing Christ and learning more about Him, you find new life and dimension to your life.
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