The Transaction of Love!

 

People’s perception of relationships is that its transactional. The opposite of that is relational. It is in the relational that true intimacy can exist, where you enjoy the company of the other person with little or no expectations. Kirill Koles in his article states, “there’s always an exchange happening. And the first rule of the transaction? You don’t talk about the transaction. Not directly, anyway. Even if everyone knows what’s happening, we all play along like it’s about something deeper, something nobler. And that’s how the dysfunction sets in.”.

Each relationship operates on exchange. You give time, you get companionship. You lend an ear, you feel good about being there for someone. This is how human nature thrives. But when does it actually become contractual? It’s not the give and take that’s the problem—it’s the cold calculation that sucks the soul out of it. We are all guilty of it. Who hasn’t weighed the pros and cons of a relationship, even subconsciously? But here’s where it gets murky: not every connection fits the “You scratch my back, I scratch yours” mold. Take, for example, unconditional love. A parent doesn’t keep a tally of every diaper changed or sleepless night endured. A best friend doesn’t charge for midnight calls when your world’s falling apart. These are the relationships that transcend the transactional muck, rooted in a pure desire to give, without expecting anything in return.

So why is unconditional love harder these days in relationships? Maybe it’s the cultural shift. We’re living in the age of individualism, where success is measured in personal achievements and material gain. Relationships? They’re just another checkbox on the life plan. But a deeper probe into the soul will reveal that our relationship with God is transactional, which is overflowing into our human relationships. We try to please God with our rituals to receive personal benefits from Him and we try out this same principle with human relationships. 

Jesus showed what unconditional love really looks like. He emphasized on relationship than rituals and spiritual duties. Jesus’ greatest commandment was “Love your Lord God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength and then to love one another as yourself.”. He demonstrated the importance of relationship and unconditional love by loving us when we were in our wretched state of sin. The Bible says he died for us while we are yet sinners. His death and resurrection saved us from the wretchedness of sin. As sin rules our relationships at times, Savior’s teaching on unconditional love is relevant for ages to come, irrelevant of how the world changes. 

Some of his teachings are “But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take away your tunic, let him have your cloak also. And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks you, and from him who wants to borrow from you do not turn away.  “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.”. Do you see any of these transactional? When you are overwhelmed with Christ’s love, you become noble in your act of love. When you start knowing Christ and learning more about Him, you find new life and dimension to your life. 

 

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When you fear you have been uprooted!

Have things happened to you so quickly that all the confidence, hope, security seem to have been snatched unexpectedly, and you are fumbling in the dark? Are you flooded with questions like, ‘have I been uprooted?’ Can I restart again? Will light ever shine in my darkness?  Hello friend, if this describes your life situation, you are not alone. There are many who have lost their livelihood and their loved ones are battling with such questions. In conditions like these any possible explanation and hope would seem absurd and make less sense. How are we supposed to handle and draw our confidence in such a situation? 

I am not stranger to this. My best confidence and livelihood did shatter several times in my life. When I thought all is going to be well for me now and forever, then things suddenly went out of control. The experience was like being lost in the sea with a rudderless boat completely at the mercy of the raging winds and tough waves. Sometimes swirling in the same direction and yet sometimes been pulled by the fierce waves and storm to an unknown destination. ‘God, are you there?’ was my first reaction and then I cried and questioned God, why was I uprooted and why me Lord? Years later after I survived the tough situation, I found the answer to why it happened. 

When you assume you have been uprooted is when you have been actually shifted to a newer destination. Certain answers in life are always found in future tense. I like the way Augustine puts this, “Trust the past to the mercy of God, the present to His love, and the future to his providence”. Usually, in such time hope in God makes less sense to many, because they want immediate change in the situation without exhibiting any commitment from their side. What most of the people are expecting is to see fate playing a role in their life. What will happen will happen. It is not fate at all. God who created you and the universe is in control of your situation too.  If you acknowledge and believe that you have been shifted by God, then you will understand that it is taking time to prepare you to fit into that new situation. I like the way Lauren Fortenberry puts it,

ME: “What if it doesn’t work out, God?”

GOD: “You will still have me.”

Even when things have not worked as you expected and desired, you will have Christ the hope of all ages living in you. You are not navigated by the wind of fate but by a God who has desired to bless you. He is in control because He is the resurrected Savior. Resurrection is the greatest event happened in the world history and who has given hope to mankind with these words, “Because I live you will live also”. When God is shifting you, He is also preparing you not to just fit in the new position but to learn to depend on God and exercise complete reliability and deeper understanding on His sovereign will. Would you like to know Him more?  

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Are you speaking meaning or just words!

Have you noticed when people speak words and then attach meaning to it? It is a yes most of the time. Our words don’t exactly reflect the expression of our heart. We are too complicated as human beings not because of who we are but due to a various set of factors like mood, feelings and emotions but mostly because of the state of our own heart. Based on the need, situations and context one changes the meaning to their own convenience. One of the quotes from Epictetus advises, 'First learn what your words mean, and then speak.' 

All of us in a similar verbal community might use a similar collection of words but we attach wildly different personal meanings to these words. Each of us come from our own subjective set of beliefs and perceptions, yet we take this subjective set of beliefs and perceptions to reflect objective reality. Michale Schreiner from the study of existential psychology states this, ‘We all believe we can understand one another, that if we’re both seemingly sane and reasonably intelligent then we can exist in the same psychological space. Yet we leave encounters with completely different interpretations of the verbal material presented and therefore never really understand each other at all. We each continue to exist on our own psychological island with its own rules.’

People are shrewd in choice of words to make people understand and believe what they want them to understand. Man is subtle and crafty and rarely speaks the true meaning. People hide behind words to escape from being responsible for who they are and what they speak. It is usually because the heart is often unchecked and misaligned before God and man, and their conscience is dull. Rights and wrongs vary from people to people and meanings of words too. 

Words can be deceptive which comes from the heart. Bible states, ‘The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it.’ Apostle Paul in the New Testament of the Bible warns, "Let no one deceive you with empty words," highlighting the dangers of being misled by deceptive language. People usually have a different motive in their heart and manipulate with using deceptive words. 

Further study from the Bible states “the tongue of the just is as choice silver; the heart of the wicked is worth little.”. The words of the just are non-contradictory and of worth, unlike the wicked. When one speaks words and attaches his/her preferable meaning then the problem is not about your lack of understanding but because the person is wicked and proud assuming there is always a way out of the trap. It is written "Though the LORD is high yet has respect unto the lowly: but the proud he knows afar off." This verse indicates that God pays attention to the humble and pure in heart, while the arrogant are known to Him from a distance. If you are smart attaching manipulative meaning to your words, then you are in danger of falling into a snare. Jesus always emphasized by saying, “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” Evil will always be punished because God is holy and immaculate. If you need help, talk to Christ from where you are. He will transform you to live with the divine nature of Christ the Savior. He is not just an ordinary moral guru but a God who rose from the dead and therefore we call Him a resurrected Savior. He has the power to resurrect you from anything that is prone to decay.

 

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Money vs Meaning – Which is the greatest risk?

 

Man upon facing disappointment, anxiety, disorientation and crisis in life concludes that lack of money is the only cause for all these emotions. Pennilessness is a scary experience. To watch your savings run dry and living from paycheck to paycheck can be a daunting existence. Losing money can be in various forms. Financial experts list several reasons: It can be unexpected expenses, low income compared to expenses, health issues, high education expenses and so on. The world has concluded that making money and hoarding it will never put a person in a position of risk. But reality dictates otherwise. We still see the ultra-rich struggle to maintain balance in their life. The poor continue to believe that money is the solution for their wearied existence. This dichotomy is real. However, this teaches us one truth that risk is not always running out of money, but it is running out of meaning. 

Man did not evolve under the influences of blind meaningless forces. There is a purpose to life. If one can understand the true meaning and purpose of life, the perspective changes the crisis and challenges a person faces. In the book ‘I Don’t Have Enough Faith To Be An Atheist!’ the author Frank poses five questions which are of paramount importance. Once we comprehend it better, there is clarity and hope in our existence.  The five most consequential questions in life are these:

Origin: Where did we come from?

Identity: Who are we?

Meaning: Why are we here?

Morality: How should we live?

Destiny: Where are we going? 

The answers to each of these questions depends on the existence of God. If God exists, then there’s ultimate meaning and purpose to your life. If there’s a real purpose to your life then there is a real right and wrong way to live it. Choices you make now not only affect you here but affect your eternity. Knowing the true God is the biggest accomplishment in man’s life. The story of Jesus, the evidence of His lifestyle and His resurrection from dead changes the course of human history. The unique book on the planet called “The Holy Bible” has all the answers to our questions as humans. The meaning of life is unfolded in the person Jesus. Life is not just meant to live with a religious identity on this earth but to find the Savior of our soul. God is not an animal, plant, sun, moon, or in the religious structure built by man. The living Christ indwells human heart and is personal to us. You are His unique creation. The Bible calls us His masterpiece. Do not deny Him without knowing Him. Once you find purpose in Christ all your needs and risks are no longer at the mercy of money but in His favor and immense kindness. The Bible states, “He loads us with daily benefit.” When your soul is intact with the Savior of the world, Jesus Christ, life becomes meaningful and purposeful.

 

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THE FOUR