The Dynamics of Decisions!

Decision making is a crucial feature in our day-to-day life. It comprises of important ones as well as insignificant, unimportant ones. It can vary from what we wear, to the pen we use, to cooking, an outing, etc. Nobel Prize winner Herbert Simon one of the founders of the fields of organization theory and information processing has coined a term called ‘satisficing’. It means you are satisfied and sufficient. The idea behind the term is to describe not getting the very best option but one that was good enough. Satisficing is one of the foundations of productive human behavior; it prevails when we don’t waste time on decisions that don’t matter, or more accurately, when we don’t waste time trying to find improvements that are not going to make a significant difference in our happiness or satisfaction.

Our daily life is about making decisions and with every passing generation it is becoming an increasingly daunting task. There is so much distraction in the current lifestyle that it’s not as simple as a ‘yes’ or ‘no’. When someone is communicating with us, there is a need for our minds to process and come up with decisions. Study says, to understand one person speaking to us, we need to process 60 bits of information per second. With a processing limit of 120 bits per second, this means you can barely understand two people talking to you at the same time, leave alone three people. 

Best decisions are made in the satisficing stage, i.e. when you are satisfied and sufficient. Recent research in social psychology has shown that happy people are not people who have more; rather, those who are happy with what they have. Happy people engage in satisficing all the time, even if they don’t know it. They exhibit a better mental frame than those who are anxious and struggling. Apostle Paul, the author of one of the books of the Bible states, “I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.”.  The tension of dichotomy in living a satisficing life in an ever-wanting world can be eased only through divine intervention in our lives. Apostle Paul further states, “I count all things as loss compared to the surpassing excellence of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ.”. What and whom you value above all the temporal things matter. Getting to know Jesus Christ will give you the satisfaction and sufficiency that your soul is always longing for. He is the only one who can fill that void, the puzzle piece that your life needs to experience harmony because He created you for a purpose.

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Finding your religious identity!

 

It is amusing to know the perception of how one is labelled under a religious category. If you are born in the Middle East, you are a Muslim, if you are born in India, you are a Hindu and if you are born in Europe or America, you are a Christian. Looks like religious beliefs are more geographically inclined and not through divine providence. People invoke the argument that "If you were born in X country/region, you'd belong to a particular religion predominant in that area”. I believe the idea behind that argument is that since those who are born in a country belong to a particular religion then majority must belong to that religious identity only.  I can admit there is some logic to that, but I find this argument erroneous. The other way of people arriving to such conclusion is based on legends of gods that exist in that geographical region. Hence, the land takes the religious identity. Eventually those born in the country carry the same religious identity. This inadvertently limits gods and religious identity to a particular region and territory.

The problem further escalates when people of a particular religion enforce their faith on people of other faith living there and try to expand their territory. This makes gods less powerful than man as they determine a god’s place of abode and territory. In trying to be an ambassador for their gods, man has turned into a beast. He hurts, kills, destroys people, demolishes worship facilities and promotes by enforcing his idea of who God is and what God wants. 

The moral law, meaning a sense of right and wrong has become a dichotomy. Love, peace and harmony are a gamble today. Man is writing the stories of God based on what he wants and how he wants to be treated. People carve God based on their imagination that would give them the liberty to live as one pleases yet be in a miserable state. Religious places and facilities are means to promote their religion and faith. Hardly one wants to probe the true version of who God is and how a God should be. If we were to observe objectively, people live better lives than existing gods. Some stories of gods are limited to man’s imagination and documented under the category of mythology. Some have lived a miserable life and passed away and some left this earth with frustrations.  

All religions are not the same as people claim. Superficially they are one but fundamentally different. The protagonist of the story, God, is important to be researched. Most of the stories of gods states they lived for themselves and passed away. But it is not the same in the case of Jesus. He lived a holy life, claimed He is the way, the truth and the life, He raised people from death, healed the sick, preached about repentance and commanded people to repent of their sins. He confirmed life after death. He proved it by predicting the nature of His death and about His resurrection. Finally, He was resurrected. He never demanded to build Churches but instead asked to preach about repentance, to believe in Him to be saved from sins and have hope of eternal life, a life after death spent in heaven with God. The greatest purpose of man is to know the true God and have a fellowship with him, more importantly a God who rose from dead. Jesus not only resurrected but promised to live in human heart. 

 

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The Consequence Blinders!

We have all come across situations where it’s hard to convince a person about consequences for their wrongful actions. Made up minds are shut for any concrete advice. People may not understand the consequences of their wrongdoings due to a lack of self-awareness, a cognitive bias like the Dunning-Kruger effect (The Dunning-Kruger effect is a cognitive bias where people with low ability in a specific area overestimate their own competence, while those with high ability underestimate theirs), a fixed mindset, or an external locus of control where they blame outside forces. This happens because those with low competence lack the cognitive skills to recognize their own deficiencies, leading to overconfidence.

Immediate evident consequences maybe delayed resulting in impaired emotional state of a person to learn from their harmful behavior. Emotional regulation issues, fear of failure, perfectionism, or cultural influences also play a role.  A healthy response to correction involves adapting your behavior to a situation, even when emotions are difficult. Some of the psychological factors affecting such a behavior are:

>Lack of Self-Awareness: An individual must first acknowledge their mistake to change their behavior. Without this awareness, it's impossible to learn from the experience. 

>Fixed Mindset: Believing that abilities are static can prevent individuals from seeing a mistake as a learning opportunity. 

>Mood swings: Frequent and rapid changes in one’s emotional state. 

>Outbursts: Intense and unpredictable expressions of anger or other emotions, even over small things. 

>Feeling overwhelmed: Experiencing emotions so strong that they are difficult to control or manage. 

>Impulsivity: Difficulty controlling urges and behaviors due to strong emotions. 

If you are a parent, friend, well-wisher trying your best to advise and counsel an individual when making a mistake but failed to convince the person, then I understand the emotions you must be going through. We correct our loved ones to protect them from consequences whether now or later. Bloated ego and stubbornness become a major hurdle to accepting correction. Delayed consequences have a downside as they encourage pride. The book of Proverbs in the Bible states, "He that withdraws himself seeks his own desire". You will find this state more in children and youth as they think they know it all. In the age of information, they feel powerful. Bible states “…Knowledge puffeth up…”. Knowledge alone is not enough, they need wisdom and discretion, which is again the matter of the heart. God is gracious enough to bless them with these to those who long for it.

The Bible states, “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”. It takes humility to accept advises. Parents can feel helpless when knowing their children who refuse to be corrected and accept advise are going to hit rock bottom. In times like these all one can do is to be there for the person and show immense love.  Certain consequences because of an action are hard to be deterred but pray that the person is open to correction. "Open rebuke is better than secret love" is a biblical proverb, meaning that honest, open correction or criticism, even if painful, is more beneficial and a truer expression of care than love that is never shown or expressed openly. Bible also states, "The Lord is gracious and full of compassion, slow to anger and great in mercy". May His mercy be showered on all such people who are struggling to receive correction and know the truth.

 

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The Crisis of getting along!

If only cordial relationships with parents, sibling, spouse, friends, neighbors, colleagues could be easy without hiccups.  We wish relationships were cordial all the time, but we know that’s far from reality. Take for example a parent and child relationship, it all begins when a child depends on the parents for almost everything and they adopt to parent’s wish, mostly.  However, this changes when the child grows big. They tend to move from dependency to independency. Now, the parents are concerned about the child making mistakes especially when some of the mistakes can be costly. In the urge of protecting the child from any disaster due to the result of their choices the parent jump-in to alert, warn and rescue. But in some case, they overdo. Now, this does not guarantee the child is going to appreciate the good intention of the parent. The high chances are the child is going to rebel and defy. The question of invasion of space arises due to generation gap. Children always feel the parents have not understood them well.

Each relationship is different and can be challenging. For example, in a marital relationship things can get complicated especially when everyone wants to make a point and expect other person to accept it as the right view. When one of the persons fails to or refuses to accept it as the right view then there are friction, contention and disappointment. Well, in the initial stage of marriage the case can be different but then the true nature of both individuals collides as time passes. In some arguments one of the persons maintain silence allowing the other person to be right and not to forcefully try to make his/her point. But we all know this is not a fool proof method as such suppression doesn’t mean all is well. It can always erupt again in a different form later at some point. 

We all wish to be right all the time. The question of fact can always be missed during confrontations. Confrontations are not bad, but it can aggravate as the subject matter gets blurred as we go deep into an argument. The members start picking up matters which are non-related arising out of the heated conversations. Usually, we all want others to know they are wrong, that they have made a mistake and in doing so we can end up hurting in many ways. And in a work environment as we all are aware the boss is always right. And between the colleagues the competitions and the need for survival takes precedence. 

There’s compelling research that spending time with the “other side” and engaging in goal-oriented conversations is a critical part of building a more culturally intelligent world. This was an idea first developed by Gordon Allport, something he called “Contact Hypothesis.” Allport offered guidance on how to use solution-focused dialogue to reduce conflict and discrimination:

>The members from both groups need to have equal status. If one group is treated as subordinate, the interaction makes things worse.

>There has to be a common goal (such as Helping the people in need. Reaching out to the vulnerable etc).

>The members of both groups have to commit to DOING something together. It’s the act of solving something together that begins to change attitudes about one another.

Some of the techniques and efforts will help when people are conscious and sensitive towards one another. The pressure to be seen right by others is intense that it deviates and disrupts the entire relationship. In critical situations and while having crucial conversations just state the fact keeping the tone at check without blaming or labelling the person failing which you will now have multiple argument points you may have to deal with. Ask God to give your calmness. After stating the fact allow people have a space to internalize and ponder over. Solomon the wise king states as recorded in the Bible, “…Calmness puts great offenses to rest.”. It may not be possible by nature but as you learn more about Christ your life is transformed. Jesus was known for His kindness, compassion and gracious words. The gospel writer Matthew in his gospel records about people perspective and their testimony. It says,“They were all speaking well of him and were amazed by the gracious words that came from his mouth…”. Knowing Christ changes your identity and helps you tackle relationships and situations more maturely. 

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First time is a chance, the second a warning!

 

Paulo Coelho made a statement which says, “everything that happens once can never happen again. But everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time.”. That’s the law of patterns: the first time is a chance, the second is warning and the third is consequence. Wish more people understood that life is all about patterns. You’re not broken. You’re repeating something. A thought. A reaction. A story. Change the pattern and you change your life. Well, this is easier said than done. Patterns are outward symptoms of something brewing in the human heart and mind. We are so accustomed to naturally think and choose evil than good, which results in recurring patterns of destructive behavior. 

The Bible explicitly states the nature of human mind as “… always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth…men of depraved mind, rejected in regard to the faith.” (2 Timothy 3:7-8). The author in the Bible quotes an example of certain men who opposed leadership not because of mere likability but because of their depraved mindset which affected their behavior.  If you observe the patterns in human behavior and thoughts, you will notice:

>Our habits, both positive and negative, are patterns of behavior. 

>Our emotional responses often follow predictable patterns. 

>The Law of Patterns suggests that our external reality reflects our internal state. 

If we experience chaos or negativity in our circumstances, it may indicate a corresponding pattern of chaos or negativity within us.

The quote, "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit,"attributed to the ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle. What we repeatedly do can be attributed in two ways, 1. Intentionally doing things repeatedly eventually making it a habit or pattern, and 2. We get caught in a web of lies and promises through which we end up doing certain things as a pattern. 

The Bible diagnosing about the human heart states, "The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?" Heart can constantly be misleading in the way it tempts, allures and supports evil effortlessly. The heart is never a moral compass to point out to the truth and what is right. Truth can be only found in a person Jesus Christ who claimed it and invited people to follow the truth. Jesus is in the business of transforming human lives, their nature and patterns. 

A man called Saul of Tarsus recorded in the Bible states that he became inflamed with hatred for the followers of Jesus. He sought to destroy the church in Jerusalem (Acts 8:1–3 Bible) and then headed for Damascus to tear up the church there (Acts 9:1–2 Bible). By his own admission he states, “even though I was a formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and an arrogant man. But I received mercy because I acted out of ignorance and unbelief.”.  The pattern of this man was to put the followers of Jesus into prison, persecute them, and destroying the Churches in Jerusalem. His pattern was broken when he encountered Jesus in the way to Damascus. He was totally transformed and immediately started sharing his transformative love of Christ to others. 

You can change the consequences of your behavior pattern by looking to Christ Jesus for help. You don’t have to merely struggle to form a good pattern. He transforms a person like Saul of Tarsus from inside out. This same person who was called formerly Saul and later Paul writes in one of his books in the Bible, "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away; behold, the new has come". I invite you start your life with a new set of pattern which will be transformative and transcendental.

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The cost of an un-surrendered life!

 

There is a price we pay for everything. Commodities have a visible price attached to them but there is a price we pay for our choices in life. The consequences for some choices may be immediate while some haunt us for life. Mostly the price we pay in such cases are recurring and painful. A harmonious relationship makes life enriching, but a contentious relationship wearies us. The underlying factor in all of this is our stiving to have control and we commit and surrender to wrong things in life.

In our desire to control every outcome, we try to steer our lives down a meticulously planned path. I’m a planner. I like to know when something is going to happen and what it’s going to look like. On the contrary a life of faith works on uncertainty. God rarely gives us a map and a timeline. I would even dare to say, God does not work in certainty. When I strive to control my outcomes, I end in disappointment. Surrendering is not accepting defeat but the humble belief that God holds the blueprint for our lives. We try to be self-styled gods by making things work for us through our abundant resources and opportunities. This deceives us into thinking that we neither need help from others or the need to commit and surrender to God.

The best description of surrender is when Jesus framed the top two commandments i.e. to love the Lord God with all their heart, mind, soul and strength and then to love their neighbors as themselves. Surrendering in Jesus’ term is to love the Lord and people unconditionally. When love for God is unconditional then you are automatically prepared to love one another like yourself. The purpose of life is to know God and to love Him and love others as Jesus’ commanded. When you hold on to something that is not part of God’s will and refuse to surrender, then you pay the price. The core of such rebellion and defiance is a moral decline. They may be holding on to something which they cherish, and value more than God and they fail to realize it is sin. They may miserably fail in all that they do yet be unwilling to commit their life to God. 

For God’s blueprint of your life to be revealed, our surrendering and committing is crucial. We need to receive forgiveness from our sins, which we can find only in Christ and be a transformed person. In the realm of faith, surrender does not equate to weakness; rather, it signifies a profound strength found in trusting God’s love and plans for us. Scripture offers abundant clarity and guidance on this - “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Surrender involves relinquishing our need for control and placing our lives confidently in God’s hands, knowing He has our best interest at heart.

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I am convinced that I am right this time!

 

“I want what I want” is a mantra most of us use and find enough reasons to rationalize our desire however harmful it maybe. There is an amount of exploration, chasing and seeking we do to get what we want. If our desire is acceptable within the societal norms, even better. An example is gay marriage, which is acceptable in some societies so it’s okay to be gay and look for a gay partner. The matter of right versus wrong depends on the environment we are living in.

So, what is the parameter for right and wrong. Each culture dictates its own dress code, food habits, relationships models and people adapt to them accordingly. For example, are live-in relationships one of the models for marriage? Not really. Let me point out an example from the Bible, one of the apostle’s states, 1 Corinthians 11:14-16 “Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him? But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering.”. This issue can be argued based on each culture’s preference.

However, certain choices of individuals are questionable and at times up for criticism. There is the cultural framework but more than that there is the moral framework of God. As humans we have tested the boundaries of God’s moral framework and have nudged the boundaries lines far enough to brazen our conscience. Recently, I read a shocking news about Ukraine. Its parliament has planned to legalize pornography to fund its war efforts. Seriously? The means can be justified based on the need, but we fail to see the larger picture of what it will do to the country. It will disintegrate family, society and community, culminating to a massive swift downfall. It means your goal (the end) is so important that any method you use to achieve your goal (the means) is acceptable.

The lines of right and wrong have blurred with every passing generation. Our selfish needs have moved the boundaries significantly. Beware! Trial and error method doesn’t work in real life. Mistakes being repeated does not mean you were wrong the first time but right the next. 

The more we push our moral boundaries the greater is the fall. When the spirit of the Lord leads us then there is perfect leading and peace. Decisions within the moral framework of God don’t need social and cultural acceptance. It’s perfect on its own. The Bible states “For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God.”. Quit compromising on your values and heed to the leading of the Spirit of God. Assess your selfish desires and the lessons you learnt by giving into them. We learn from the Bible, "The Spirit of the Lord will not always strive with man", which means it signifies that God's patience with humanity's sinfulness has its limits. It also implies that there will be a point where God's Spirit will cease striving with people, leading to drastic consequences. You are in God’s hand and His perfect plan for your life is for your own welfare. Quit creating your own plan and tagging it as God’s will for your life.

 

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